I never thought I would have a mid-life crisis. Who am I? Where am I going? That kind of thing, and while I do not believe that I have lost my sense of self, I realized the other day that my "baby days" are numbered. Amelia will likely start school this fall and Charlotte is already more self-sufficient than all of her siblings. And the next few years will roar by with the speed of a freight train.
And so I am looking at having an empty house with all the kids in school in 3 or 4 years. This has yet to happen to me. The kids are so spread out that there has ALWAYS been somebody at home. It is a truly weird thought.
So, the next thought in that parade is What Will I Do? Not like it won't be fabulous to clean without somebody following RIGHT behind messing it up for me! But surely that won't take up all my time. And so I find myself wondering what I shall do? Do I volunteer in the kids classes? Do I take classes to pursue another career? Do I get a job? Do I finally pursue some of my passions? Do I think I might get PAID for some of my passions? Do I suck it up and go back to education? Do I teach? Do I try to get involved in the educational administration to try and fix some of the glaring issues that have always made me crazy?
And then, this all leads to what will I do when all the kids are GONE? What happens when I am an empty-nester? Will I be an empty-nester? How will I know how much I need to let Elise go to find her own life? Will I be able to do what I need to?
My belief in raising kids has always been that if I've done my job right, then they will live their lives independently. It's actually my goal that I will have made myself useless...except praying for them non-stop...and as few "Love You Forever" trips as possible... :) But with Elise, I know that the fine line will be even thinner and will have to be handled even more wisely....
I doubt that I will find the answers quickly...and I doubt that you have any of them for me...but I just wanted to say them out-loud and ask God for a little help and wisdom here. I want to KNOW what he wants me to do. I want to find where he wants me to go. And I want to be able to do it with a good attitude. So, God, please start prepping me, please?